3 Things That Surprised Me About Our Feeding Journey

The feeding journey with your baby is an incredibly personal experience. I had an idea (more like an expectation) of what this journey would look like for our family and the reality was quite different than that. I felt it was important to share part of our journey with you as there was so much I learned along the way that I wish I had known going into the experience. 

1. That I would need help

Similar to childbirth, I viewed feeding your baby to be something that came naturally - after all, isn’t eating instinctual for survival? I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding so in preparation for this journey, I watched a few youtube videos before the baby arrived. I also made sure to get a breast pump through my insurance in case I needed to use it. After speaking with a few experienced mothers, I decided it couldn’t hurt to seek out a lactation consultant. I sought recommendations from my midwife and secured a consultant that took my insurance and even made in-home visits. 

When the baby arrived, all seemed well until a few days later when my milk supply came in. I began experiencing breast engorgement and nipple pain while feeding. My mind began spinning with so many thoughts and emotions about what I was getting wrong in feeding my baby and why this wasn’t coming as naturally and easily as I felt like it should. I didn’t realize that I was expecting both my baby and I to know how to do something neither one of us had ever done before! I reached out to my lactation consultant who came over to the house for a visit. She provided my husband and I with education on how breastfeeding works, different positions for feeding and burping, what a proper latch looks like, how to alleviate pain or discomfort from engorgement, and answered the long list of questions I had. I was amazed at how quickly her support shifted our experience. With the slightest change in positioning, the nipple pain while feeding stopped completely! 

I leaned on my lactation consultant many times throughout the first year for not only questions about breastfeeding as our journey progressed, but also regarding pumping and bottle feeding. 

2. That it isn’t linear 

Whether you choose to breastfeed, bottle feed, or combo feed, as your baby grows and changes, so does your feeding journey. Once our baby became more aware of her surroundings, she also became more distracted while eating. Feeds became a little shorter and more disrupted as she took in what was happening around her. Being in a calm, quiet space without distractions became key during this phase.

Two things that I didn’t know were possible to experience (and we experienced both!) were bottle refusal and breastfeeding strikes! I was exclusively breastfeeding for the first few months before we decided to give her a bottle once daily so she would be used to it if we ever needed the option. Around three months, we went to visit my parents who were so excited to be able to feed her bottles and rock her to sleep - except that she completely refused to take a bottle from them! For almost a month, she refused bottles from anyone, including me. I felt helpless as I worried if I ever needed to be away from her for more than two hours, she would go hungry. I was also starting work again and she needed to be able to take a bottle. It took us a few weeks of trying every bottle and nipple available, feeding her in different environments, trying new positions, and me hiding out of sight to finally get her to take a bottle again.

During this time, I was pumping several times a day and at night. Pumping was probably the most mentally draining experience for me. I hated being attached to a machine and I experienced pain and discomfort while pumping. One thing I hadn’t thought about was being properly fitted for my pump. When you order a breast pump, it comes with standard size flanges and you need to take measurements to get proper fitting inserts or flanges for comfort and efficiency. The pump manufacturer provided a measurement guide online, and we purchased inserts based off of this, but I was still experiencing discomfort. Once again, I reached out to my lactation consultant who came over to observe my pumping process, take measurements again, had me try a few different size inserts that she carries with her, and made recommendations for sizing that turned out to be different from what I measured on my own. The right size flanges and inserts made a big difference in my comfort level. 

After six weeks of being back to work, I decided to take a step back from my career to stay at home. During the time I was working, our feeding schedule was flipped to one breastfeeding session a day and bottles for the remaining feeds. Since I was home with her now, I wanted to get back into breastfeeding, but she refused. She even began refusing our morning nursing session! I’m fairly certain she was teething around this time, but after several weeks of consistently and patiently offering her the opportunity to nurse, she accepted and our nursing journey continued. 

I share these two examples to highlight that babies go through so many changes during their development and just like us, they have opinions and preferences too! If you ever experience this, remember that this behavior is completely normal and there is nothing you are doing wrong.

3. It felt more emotional than I expected 

Whether I was exclusively breastfeeding, or pumping and offering bottles, both experiences for me were mentally and emotionally challenging. I think a lot of it might have had to do with sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and energy required for producing milk. When you are depleted of energy in every way, naturally your mental and emotional state will be affected. There were many times when I just wanted to stop which led to me feeling guilty or like a bad mother for having tough moments of just not wanting to do it anymore. No matter what your feeding journey looks like, the first year of life is incredibly challenging, especially when it’s your first time through it all.

As I write this, we are coming up on our baby's first birthday, and I have decided to start the weaning process. It has been incredibly emotional and I still go back and forth on it daily, but ultimately I know it’s the right time and decision for us. Remember, your well-being as a mother directly affects the well-being of your family. If you take anything away from this, it’s that your feeding journey may turn out differently than you envisioned, but know that wherever it takes you, the challenges and emotions involved are normal to experience. Babies are not robots, they are human beings that do not feed or sleep the same way every single day - just like we don’t. Seek support from someone you trust and who has experience in this area, and know that it’s okay to take it one week or month at a time and reevaluate whether or not what you are doing is feeling sustainable or if a change needs to be made.